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JWR 3.37 - Fountain Befouled


So, hereís the story: there was an email sent out from her home email address.  It was a generic Hotmail account.  The message said something like: ďHey guys, I though youíd like these pictures.  I figured you all wanted to see it anyway.  They were taken when I was auditioning for a porn video.Ē  Or something like that.  There were two nude pictures, one of her breasts and one of her...you know.  Neither one showed her face.


The theory is: this woman and her boyfriend of some time broke up when she moved from Chicago to Milwaukee to take the job at this company.  He was in town last weekend for some reason, a doctorís appointment, supposedly, and she let him stay at her place where he used her computer to send these photos out to a large list of people: her family, friends, co-workers (including bosses) and industry acquaintances (including some people I work with).


I was in one of the engineerís offices and someone said something to him about her and then he asked me if I knew the story.  I told him no and he asked himself if he should tell me or not.  Then I told him I wasnít a child.  So I pulled around his desk and looked over his shoulder at his laptop and read the message and saw the pictures, ready for some joke.  After thinking about it on and off all day, and mostly on since the end of the day, I wish it had been a joke.


Sheís a pretty woman.  Maybe 30, polite, well presented, intelligent.  She has a husky voice, sexy.  She fills out a sweater well, to put it like a Ď50ís banker, if thatís how bankers talked about chicks with large breasts in the Ď50ís.  I donít know her well, Iíve spoken to her a couple times and only seen her a few.


All I kept thinking about was how awful this was for her.  The pictures werenít necessarily her.  You couldnít see the womanís face.  It wouldnít be that hard to find a couple pictures of a woman on the internet with an approximately similar body shape.  Crop the picture if there was a head in the original shot.  Whether it really was her or not doesnít matter.  I keep thinking about that line in the message: I know you all wanted to see these...or whatever it was.  The now-unfunny part, the part I find unfunny, was the truth in that statement.  I know, Iíve heard comments made by some coworkers.  I agreed with them.  I thought my own thoughts.


I would like to think what sets me apart is this.


The field Iím in (electrical distributor) is male dominated; the highest ranking woman at the company I work for is the office manager.  Sheís one of two female sales reps from all the vendors Iíve met or have heard about.  I donít know how tough it is for her being a woman in her job, and being an attractive one, as well.


Thereís a double standard here, but itís complicated.  Sheís attractive, and as such, people like me are prone to thinking whatever we might thing about her.  We know she wants to be respected and we show her the respect to her face, but in our minds we donít take away her abilities at her job, but we will take away her dignity by reducing her to a sexual object.  Now that this has happened, in my mind, I feel pity, and Iíd like to be able to say something to her about how I empathize, can I do anything to help?  Because youíre just a woman, and there must be something that I can do, being a man.


What are her bosses thinking?  Are they saving those pictures?  Are they passing them around to their friends?  Are they showing them to fellow employees?


I wish this was a dream.  I feel so awkward about the whole thing.  The strange part is, it SOUNDS like a joke, or an urban legend.  But itís real.  She has to go around to her office and feel the eyes on her in a different way than before, because sheís always been looked at.  Sheíll maybe consider what others are thinking.  The women thinking her a tramp or a slut.  The guys wondering, wishing those pictures were real.  The guys thinking they now know what her vagina looks like, and her nipples, the size and shape of her breasts--we suspected all along, now we KNOW.  This the the equivalent of a picture of me going around where Iím jacking off.


Is she going to get fired over this?  Can they fire her?  Will she quit and try to start over somewhere else?  She doesnít deserve this horrible joke being played on her.  I canít imagine what she would have done to deserve it.


On second thought, itís not the equivalent of a picture of me jerking off because my bosses and co-workers are guys.  It would be embarrassing, but I imagine Iíd have a laugh about it with some people when I told the story.  The difference is, my bosses and co-workers donít think of me that way, weíre not sexually compatible.  And if they were, then theyíd have to hide that just because thatís the way itís done.


You hear about feminists raising hell over this or that and itís pretty annoying, but I think I understand where they are coming from today.  The thing that gets me is, I donít understand why I feel like this.  I donít know her, not really.  I donít consider her one way or the other, truth be told.  Why am I telling you about a relatively insignificant event in my day?  How could someone do that?  I wish she was my sister, my big sister, so Iíd have an excuse to feel angry about this and go kill that guy.


What if she really did it herself?  She got drunk or high and set up the digital camera and fired off that message and sent to all just to see what would happen.  What if she is gauging the reactions she gets for a purpose?


I donít like that one.  No, weíll keep her innocent and sweet, whether those pictures are of her or not.  If they really are, then we can say she really loved him and took them for him after he talked her into it because she loved him.  We can keep her innocent, keep her pure, even though we now know what her ass looks like, and the size of her inner thighs, and just how her tits hang with no bra.  We can justify it.


I wish there was a truth here.  The only truth is, I donít know the whole story, and I never will.  Iíll continue to feel bad for her.  I hope I see her again so I can not mention it to her, show her thereís hope left in mankind.  Make a stand by not moving a muscle.


Wondering what women look like naked.  I spend some time thinking about that.  Will I think about it less now?  Itís like going to the doctor and he gives you a clean bill of health after you swear off all the bad things in life it youíre okay.  Now that youíre okay, youíre going to go right back to doing all the things you did before because your scare.  Consider this mental dilemma of mine a trip to the doctor and keep your arms crossed over your chest when you see me coming, because Iím looking everyone, and not only am I looking, but now Iím staring because the doctor gave me a clean bill of health which means, like Bam Margera, now I can do ďwhatever the fuck I want.Ē


I really wish I knew why this was bothering me.  I don't feel like I'm getting the point across to you of how I can't imagine what her day is like when she opens her eyes knowing what she now has to face.  She had to have gone into work unaware and then like a slap to the face...Iíd like to go to the guy who showed me the pictures and tell him what I think.  Heís the father of a teenage girl.  Would he finally get the picture?  When will it stop being a joke to everyone, when they see her, or will it just get funnier to them?




Copyright © 2003 John Lemut