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JWR 2.29a - Smile for the Smart Bomb


My last Rambling was incorrectly numbered.  It should have been 2.28 and this one is 2.29.  My sincerest apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.  But, hey, at least I didnít crash no plane into no buildin'. 


...Too soon...?


How hard can it really be to kill one man?  I suppose if it was just a random man, it would be rather easy.  I could take a walk right now, and five minutes later have my pick of men to kill.  See, itís when youíre gunning for that particular man and you donít want to kill anyone else that things can get difficult.  First, you gotta find him.  Then you gotta work out a plan on how to go about killing him.  Also, if there are others present, do you kill them too?  You might even have to get permission to kill someone from those in charge.  The act of killing isnít so hard, itís all the shit leading up to the killing that gives one the problems.


Yes, good ole Osama.  Hey, have you seen the way this guy holds a microphone?  He looks like a fag.  And whatís with that stupid fucking beard.  You know, I take one look at this guy in the stock news footage and canít believe this is the most dangerous man in the world.  But then you get to thinking, what would you imagine the most dangerous man to look like?  Booker T?  Sucka.


Itíll be two weeks tomorrow, and unless you fly, I donít really see much of a change--from where I sit.  People are still the same.  Maybe they gave that pint of blood or that donation, but then they forgot about it.  Iíve even begun to forget about it.  For about a week it was on my mind constantly, now hours can go by before I get a picture in my head of that second plane.  I suspect in another two weeks it will be all but a faded memory, just like the faces that came and went before her.


We havenít responded yet.  (Well, we may have, the TV isnít on.  We might be bombing and firing at a dozen countries right now, but Iím out of touch.)  To my knowledge, we have yet to respond.  Itís okay.  Weíre getting our ducks in a row.  Getting them all lines up; weíre seeing just who is with us and who is with the terrorists.


Did you guys like Bushís speech?  I did.  The best part what the demands he made on the Taliban.  He made such outrageous demands that they would never be able to bring themselves to comply with even a majority of them.  Meanwhile, theyíre asking Bin Laden to leave and then telling us that heís disappeared.  Lying to us?  No, no.  Talk all you want, bitch.  Bushís army is coming.  Even the Pope understands why we are going to war--he practically endorsed it.  Yes, the guy that shits in the woods.


All our iffy little friends in the Mid East are backing us to an extent.  Cuba is, too, if you can believe it.  I think once Castro dies and a new leader comes to power, vast changes will overtake Cuba and within a few more years youíll see it become a tourist trap again, like it was in the forties.   Those cigars will sell like hot cakes.  If hot cakes do, indeed, sell well.  This I donít know, I have no spreadsheets before me regarding the supply and demand of hot cakes, so I can only guess.  My apologies.


Chinaís iffy, I think.  Chinaís always iffy.  Sure, they can make our Hotwheels and Matchbox cars, but when we look for support, where is China?  Where the fuck is China?  What, are they still upset about that whole Red Corner flick with Mr. Richard Gere?  Or maybe it was that whole mistake we made when we bombed their embassy or our spy plane crashed in their big ass country.  Well, I still take is as an insult.  I think I bought enough little cars in my youth to feel a dozen Chinese families for a year.  Is that not worth something?  Iíll bet I still buy Chinese shit.  hang on...


Yup, I just bought a pizza cutter, can opener and cork screw, and guess where theyíre made?  China, right.  Well, I couldnít find where the cork screw was made, but the other two were made in China.  (And what fantastic quality those gooks are capable of...)


If I were George W. Bush, I think I would take myself a trip to China, just to hang out with the Chinese head guy, I donít know if they have a president or an emperor or a king or what, but I can guarantee heís Chinese.  But George should go as a sign of goodwill.  Do some Chinese things like...well, whatever they do to pass the time.  Pray to Mao.  But get the 1.2 billion Chinese on our side.  So theyíre Communist.  B.F.D.  That whole Communist thing has been done--for like fifty years.  Remember the other Reds, the Russians?  Now look at them.  Theyíre like poor Canadians.  Mostly harmless, but surly.  (Put the ottoman down!)


I donít know, how do you become friends with the leader of a communist country where human rights are not really en vogue?  Cuban cigars.  Everybody likes the Cuban cigar.  It might be the crack they put in it.  Some people just canít handle it.  They may puke shortly after smoking one.  Scott.  I know how to make nice with the Chinese.  We promise to let them take control of Japan.  See, the Chinese/Japanese history (I think, Iím most likely wrong) is a lot like the Vulcan/Romulan relationship.  Once, long ago, they were the same.  Then a group of them became fed up with the way the rest of the group acted.  In the case of the Romulans, they wished to embrace their emotions whereas the Vulcans suppressed theirs.  In the case of the Japanese, they wished to eat raw fish rolled in rice and seaweed; the Chinese did not.  So, each race (Romulans and Japanese) set off on their own to find a new homeland/planet.  The Romulans settled on the twin planets of Romulus and Remus; the Japanese settles on the group of islands located east of Chinaís mainland.  Spock has been working towards unification of the two species, which would be cool because Cmdr. Sela is hot.  And although I donít think thereís any plans for a unification of China and Japan, the Chinese want it.  So, we just promise to make it happen on our way home from butt fucking Osama with out machine guns.  Japan canít have a military as per the surrender after World War II.


So, what do you think of my plan?  Oh, yeah, youíd just rather fuck over terrorists.  You are aware that Japan has terrorists.  Thereís that fat guy whoís blind and dresses like Santa Clause who was responsible for the toxic gas attack on a Japanese subway a few years ago.  Did they catch him?  Who the fuck knows.  You donít really care.


Itís like, hey, if we go after all terrorists, does that mean we go after the IRA, as well.  I mean, theyíre white, so that changes the rules, believe it or not.  Note we did not drop an atom bomb on Germany.


Just remember that this is America.  The tributes will end, the interest will end, the donations will end.  The support of a war will end.  It will cause a presidency and then do you think the next guy in there will call it all off?  Weíll go back to our individualistic lives lived more in cyberspace where can name ourselves cool names like Funkmaster69 or ButterLip5.  The rubble of the Twin Towers will be lessened and plans for a new structure will be finalized and will begin construction and the Pentagon will be repaired and the security measures taken at airports will become more streamlined so it will be quicker and easier to get on and off a plane.


But you and I will remember because we actually have attention spans that last longer than that of a fruit fl--oh, look, a BLUE car!!!




Copyright © 2001 John Lemut