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JWR 2.4 - Per Drunken John

 

THIS IS FROM A WHILE AGO, AND SINCE YOU NEED YOUR RAMBLING...

 

I just got in.  Iím a little tipsy, I should tell you.  A little tired, too.  Noah drove.  Noah was in from Colorado.  (I just had a really hard time remembering where he lived.)  Anyway, the Boiler Room is the spot.  Itís kinda our bar.  I love it.  Not like I love the memory of Maple Wood, but more like I love a beer.  Itís good, but be careful, too much can be dangerous--especially if you drive heavy machinery--or if you just operate it

 

I like Noah.  Heís a good egg.  You know he was our prom king.  When he won I felt a bit like one of us won.  It didnít really matter to me about prom court, but this guy I went to lunch with from time to time junior and senior year is prom king.  It dispelled all those notions that the prom king and queen were untouchables.  Shit, I donít even remember who the prom queen was.  Noah works for Qwest and lives in CO now.  Jeff wants to move out to CO in April.  Those friends are slowly, one by one, moving away.  Will I ever leave this place?  Maybe.  I was ready.  Just say one word and I would have had my bags packed despite what everyone else says.  No one else mattered.

 

All this makes me miss my childhood.

 

When I was younger I can remember seeing a rainbow in my back yard.  I tried to chase it down, to find the end and the pot of gold, but I donít recall ever getting very much farther than my back yard.  I donít know.  It maybe didnít matter all too much to me.  Maybe I was just lazy and  would rather watch Underdog.

 

I felt also, when I was a boy, that the colors in the rainbow--the rainbows that I drew with exact equal amounts or red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple--could be found equally dispersed on earth in everyday life.  This was somewhat true in that the sky was blue and the ground was green.  Equal.  Then I made it a stretch that dandelions were plentiful enough to equal out the yellow portion of the spectrum.  Violets maybe made up the purple portion, but as a young lad that never made much sense to me.  Red?  Orange?  Even as a kid my theories fizzled out rapidly.

 

Colors.  I always wondered about them ever since I heard that black was not a color, but the absence of color.  This leads to the philosophical question of ďDo things even have a color in the dark?Ē

 

But water first.  Water is supposed to be blue.  So we are taught.  It didnít dawn on me for the longest time that water is whatever color its surroundings are.  On a cloudy day, it can be white or grey, depending on what the sky is.  Would you drink blue water?  Hell, I have a hard time drinking blue Kool-Aid, let alone blue water.  The water you drink is supposed to be clear--colorless.  The water in bath your tub is clear.  The water in the lake is clear, it just looks blue because of the reflection.  Why did that sink in only recently?  I have gaps in my knowledge.  I donít know things.  I should know perhaps.  Like that Tyme Machine thing.  I shouldíve gotten that when they were first invented.  Instead I look like a 22-year-old jackoff.  ďOh, Time Machine, I get it.Ē

 

Do you ever forget to flush the toilet?  How?  You use it two three several times a day, yet, on occasion, you simple forget to flush it.  Five hours later you go to take a leak and the water is already yellowish and you think back, ďDid I flush last time?Ē  Itís such an autonomic response, maybe something interrupted the ritual of going to the bathroom.  I, for one, have never forgotten to wipe my ass.  Iíll admit, that sometimes I could stand to do a better job.  This you realize immediately.

 

Or you leave your fly down.  I flush first, then do my pants.  Well, sometimes first I stand, then I flush, then I zip up.  Sometimes I mix it up.  I have a pair of shorts where the fly will not stay up.  Theyíre corduroy, and I like them a lot except for that fly thing.  Watch carefully as I wear them and it  may look like Iím playing with myself.  No, just raising the old fly again.  I do that playing thing off my balcony.

 

I remember the tests I had in kindergarten.  Alphabet.  Numbers.  Colors.  I recall mixing up orange and yellow.  I still do.  If I have to say yellow or orange quickly, make a distinction between them, Iíll often mix it up.  I know what yellow is and I know what orange is.  But I canít say out loud.

 

Like Def Leppard and Led Zepplin.  I know the difference.  I always say one when I mean the other.  I saw Def Leppard in concert.  I remember them both as mythical bands from my childhood like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden.  Having a brother eight years older does weird things to you.  I knew Kiss and Metallica and Motley Crue and Ratt and WASP before I could write.  I recall the first thing I tried to write was from a Scorpion song.  ďRock You Like a Hurricane.Ē  However I couldnít spell ďHurricane.Ē

 

I had a huge crush on Ann Abrams.  She had a brother Andy.  Ann and Andy.  Raggedy.  I was Raggedy Ann for Halloween Ď99.  Ozz was Kid Rock.

 

I remember school, but itís all run together.  I remember me and Lee and Dan hanging out all the time much better.  I told Lee that his sister being born was the best thing that ever happened to me because it made us such good friends.  I didnít say it like that, but itís close.  Even as a kid my brother Dan was kinda anal.  Lee and I would constantly play with our Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars and act out the lives of the people there.  Itís all such a rush of nostalgia.

 

The best thing that ever happened to me.

 

Thereís a short list.  What criteria do you use?  Taking the ThinkLink job.  Being Leeís friend.  My epiphany.  That first real kiss.  What else?

 

I hate to grow up.  Bills and responsibilities.  Act your age.  What?

 

This is a new day here.  I went back and corrected the typos and the nonsensical phrases I wrote when I was rolliní rolliní rolliní.

 

I THINK I ALWAYS KNEW THAT THE RAINBOW HAD NOTHING AT THE END OF IT.

 

JOHN

 

Copyright © 2001 John Lemut